safe and dull or risky enjoyment

I missed a day, but I will still post something tomorrow, hopefully.  The number of posts will be the same then.

613 – The number of mitzvot (good deeds) in the Jewish religion.

Well, it’s Saturday.  Can I complete this one? Keep going at a steady pace?  The music helps, but can it really give me that extra push necessary?

When do I take the step forwards and when do I take the step backwards?  Given the choice to IM with someone or play Quake, what determines my choice?  My mood at the time?  What I decide to do in that instance is, unfortunately, not consistent.

I suppose I’m talkative for a hermit.  I keep thinking that’s where I’m headed.  Slowly but surely.  Like entropy there’s no stopping it.  I never ask why bother though.

It’s like – I’m slowly dying and I don’t even care.  How I’d live my life wouldn’t even change if I could ever overcome a certain depression.  I’m just not strong enough.

Must stand.

Never a lasting impact.  My contributions will be forgotten.  I’m the dead-end in the family tree.  My father’s name will die as will quickly as it was born.

I need the quick twelve-step program to enjoying life.  And the strength to complete the steps.

Quiet, unique, dull.  At what point do I become what the psychiatrists and psychologists tell me I am?

I’m safe.  I’m safely sealed off in my world of computers and locked doors.   Limited human contact.  Safely controlled.  Not allowed to make any new friends.  A girlfriend is strictly forbidden.  Maybe that type of a relationship would just screw me up even more until I’m more stable.

I'm already a zombie so lack of sleep doesn't affect me that much

I’m doomed.