typical boring day

Well, I'm addicted to another incarnation of Team Fortress. The main difference with this one is the game itself is free as well as the mod: Enemy Territory.

You'll only see this type of log once, so no complaining, Ross. Besides I'm illustrating some kind of point with it.
Typical work day:
get up at 6:14 AM
get ready to leave shower, dress, etc. (don't eat breakfast)
leave around 7:18 AM
Take the bus to work after the first one goes by being completely full
Get to center city at 7:38 AM
Go to Dunkin Donuts and get "unhealthy breakfast" consisting of one of three things
Get to work at 7:45 AM
Eat breakfast and read slashdot until 8:00 AM when I sign in
Now for the incriminating evidence:
At which point I try to solve random problems we're having with the network by searching the internet. Of course, what I find is no help at all but it's slightly more productive than sitting around reading comics or playing solitaire. More often than not, I'll be sent on random tech support issues which can be anything. These usually take only a few minutes to solve. Failing that, we end up giving them a different computer.
All that's about to change as they gave me something important to do at work having to do with condos.
I sign out for lunch at 1:30 and go to the local pizza place where I order one of three things
I take my lunch back to my narrow cubicle and eat it there while reading science fiction
The rest of my workday goes by the same as it was before lunch.
At 4:00 PM I sign out and take the bus back home.
Upon arriving home, I check my email (are you incredibly bored yet?) and play games, only stopping to eat a frozen dinner.
At 11:00 PM or so, I go to sleep.

The point is that my life is incredibly boring. I spend very little time doing anything productive or interesting.
Why? Too much or wasted effort? Inferiority issues? Who knows?

I know how to become an optimist. I also know it requires more effort than I'm willing to provide. That limit on providing effort keeps me standing still.

sick? and bored

I took a sick day today. The thing with the sick days is that today will probably end up being unexcused because I have to pay x number of dollars for a doctor appointment to get a note. I took it because I had a sore throat and my stomach was bothering me. It turned out that the sore throat got a little better and I had some gas. In the past, I would go to work feeling sick, and then take a sick day the next day.

On days off, I get really bored. I would like to do something productive, but I'm not really sure what specifically to do. I could write, but I need something to write about. Something besides cleaning my room, doing a load of laundry, playing computer games, or even reading (a novel).

inspiration and motivation

Ross asks:
OK, so what creates inspiration/motivation? Or is it innate, you either have it or you don't?

I think in some it inspiration might be a gift, but for the most part it is in one's environment. Often, pain or mental anguish brings inspiration. Raw emotion leads to inspiration. That's why things that subdue emotion have a negative effect on inspiration.

Motivation to succeed is more a part of a person's personality, and therefore, can be considered innate. Whether a person is driven is built into his personality. I think my problem lies here more, in that I'm not driven. Try comparing yourself to the people on that TV show "Driven" and you'll see what I mean. I suppose environment could influence motivation to succeed somewhat. . . This does ask another question: Who/what causes us to believe in ourselves? Perhaps the answer lies with our parents. How they push us to succeed and how they drive themselves.

I had this other idea - kind of like Common Sense from Thomas Paine. An anonymous political newspaper (electronic?). We will fight only with the disobedience our country was founding upon. Has entire pages devoted to editorial cartoons..

As usual, these ideas won't be any more than ideas. I'm only driven toward mediocrity.

We will all be forgotten in five generations anyhow.

I guess it could be more than just an idea if any of you were actually interested in any of these silly ideas.

IThey use the computer games to prevent me from actually accomplishing anything.

So many fruitless ideas and dreams because I pursue nothing. What would it take for me to pursue something? That and inspiration.

Is there nothing more to me other than this mundane existence?

reelection reality show

I think Osama got Bush reelected. I doubt President Bush could've seriously gotten a decisive victory without 9/11 happening during his term. He was reelected because people decided that security was more important than anything else. Any incumbent during such a tragedy has a head start when it comes to reelection as long as he handles it reasonably well. President Bush actually did handle the situation reasonably well (there are other things he didn't handle so well). He had even more of an advantage because Republicans are associated with security. It all adds up to a decisive victory for President Bush and the Republicans. All because of a horrible tragedy.

I wonder what would happen if Michael Moore and Anne Coulter could see where the other was coming from. Would be cool to have them on that reality show I mentioned earlier. Too bad no one would ever agree to participate in such a show - unless they were paid a great deal of money. But then you couldn't get the wealthy on to the show. I suppose that's why it'll never get on the air - No way to get any participants short of kidnapping. Reality shows get away with a lot of crap, but not felonies. Man, I at least want to see it on the air a few months from now so I can say "Hey! They stole my idea!"

reality show post

Hmm maybe instead of kidnapping we could do the reverse and put them into the other's situation without moving them but changing their environment around them Any ideas?.

Read all over

I suppose if I continue posting here whether or not anyone's reading it, it is worth it upon its own merit. Otherwise. . .

But if I stop posting here, they win. I can't let them win. This is to keep me from losing the part of my mind I haven't lost already.

I need to eat more on a smaller budget.

Who is this for?

I am lost in a lagoon of self pity.

Think for yourself, lazy! (not stupid, like the Illuminatus Trilogy suggests)
You don't want to be told what to think. You need to be told what to think.

Wisdom has become undervalued.

What's wrong with the world today? Very simple. Complexity. The infinite complexity leads to infinite problems. The human definition of progress includes only more layers of complexity.

The burning words.

How many tormented geniuses does it take to write a symphony?

My thoughts have devolved into a random stream of conciousness again. Annoying that is.

White is black for darker shades of white. I'll try to avoid getting run over by a zebra.

You will elect whoever spends and has the most money.

Silly little blog poster. Has no idea how close he came to - French Canadian Bean Soup - figuring the whole thing out. Too bad it is time for him to sleep.

No one wants to be alone. If that's the case, why are so many people still alone?

Our shallow eyes deceive us
Making us hypocrites
These eyes cannot look inward
Mirrors are just as worse

I have condemned myself yet again to emptiness and lonliness.

I shy away from any embrace. Intimacy I will never be comfortable with.

I have only cursed myself.

Is there anybody out there?
Apparently not.

I WANT to believe in Humanity. Prove to me why I should. There's far too much evidence why I shouldn't.

These have always been dark times.

I know there's so much more to this world But, part of me has chosen to be a hermit.

Why Not Linux?

I've been meaning to install Linux on my computer. Why haven't I? The usual lame excuses:
My desk is too small to fit another monitor, keyboard, and papers. A KVM switch and a wireless network adapter cost money. I might have to recompile the kernel and download 80 drivers written by some dude in Iceland. But that still won't let me play Quake3 online because I'll need to setup the network connection. That'll probably require having to subscribe to some email list in which my question will be answered in two months after I ask it. That's usually the case with any third party software that should be built into the OS but isn't.

Why don't more people run Linux?
I think people are simply used to whatever OS they started with. So unless you're a computer nerd, your first is your favorite. Linux also needs work in usability. As far as I'm concerned, to install a program, I shouldn't even have to type make. I should be able to double-click on an icon and click next a few times without any messages about missing gcc or libxxxhahayoudonthaveme. (I did in fact install a distro that did not install gcc by default). The programmers of the applications are still writing for other programmers and not end users. They also can't afford to hire HCI specialists which are badly needed on the Linux platform. Perhaps GUI standards could be setup for Linux.

You just don't have hobby HCI specialists like you have hobby programmers.

GUI is as GUI does
-Tomas

Is open source the Great White Hope of innovation or is it just a bunch of hippies Cartman should kill?

Does anyone know any computer newbies using Linux? What problems did they have?

get your industry insured today!

My friend got the gas turned back on, but not before paying for PGW's mistake - to the tune of $600. I hope he gets that money back with a little extra for hardship.

Imagine if you could build inexpensively built homes that would be extremely affordable. Think about just how many people you'd piss off by doing this. You'd piss off construction unions and real estate investors. Now you see where all the pessimists and cynics come from. In reality, the real estate market can't stay this way forever. . .

Just stick that alongside the plot of that Keanu Reeves vehicle Chain Reaction.

These ideas also enter health care as well. That industry is a little bit more complicated as it involves insurance companies more. Is the American Disablities Act actually enforced upon insurance companies? A person with a terminal disease still needs healthcare.

My grandfather didn't believe in life insurance. Which ended up costing my family a great deal of money. The thing with life insurance is that there's not much risk involved as you will die - eventually.

National optional insurance? Perhaps the government could provide some kind of optional and minimal coverage of the "necessary" insurances like health and car. That way no one gets left behind because their employer won't enroll. Yeah I know, who's going to pay for it. I think Bill Gates should pay for it instead of buying Wintel computers for schools and then writing it off as a donation. Buying the OS that he makes for schools is too much of a win-win situation for Microsoft to have it really be humanitarian. He's just trying to get impressionable youth addicted to Microsoft Windows.

Insurance companies - necessary or evil? Evil, but the vast majority of people are under the impression that it's necessary. It is not necessary to humanity's future. Money is also evil and unnecessary, but the world isn't ready to get rid of money or for world peace.

huh? wha?

Note to self: you can only use that title once.

Popular songs butchered to give insight into my thoughts:
I'm a 21st century government coder
I don't know how to ____
but I got a lot of games

They got me on some medication
my pen would not go dry
They got me on some medication
It's supposed to keep me sane
Instead, it just makes me assent
I might have lost my sense of humor
and a great deal of emtion. . .

Name the first song for 5 points and the second one for 30. At least try the first one - it's relatively easy. The second one wasn't a hit single so I can't exactly expect anyone to guess it. The second song was brutally butchered.

For something completely different, PGW decided to turn off the gas where I live for no apparent reason or notice. They should be turning it back on tomorrow. It's been off since Thursday. Silly overzealous PGW. Just cause you can't keep up with deadbeats doesn't mean you can turn off the gas of the people who do pay their bill.

Meanwhile, I went to the grocery store to see if writing about going to the grocery store would piss anyone off. It did? Cool. I'll have to keep writing about going to the grocery store then.

change, lack thereof

I know I'm the only reason I don't have much of a social life. The problem is that I don't see that changing anytime soon.

If I cannot envision a change, then it probably won't happen. I suppose envisioning it is the next step or something. What was that book called? Who Moved My Cheese? Great theory I suppose, but I doubt I'll apply anything I read in it.

I'm starting to pick up on that idea of how the external image influences the internal image of oneself.

I suppose I've heard all the "priceless advice", but I don't let it do me any good. Why? That question opens up a boatload of issues. Even after unraveling that onion, it still doesn't get me to change anything.

all alone, father

The way some people write love poems, I have written poems about my lonliness.

Ahh what the hell I'll post this one:
*
left alone here
I see the future
I am the only reason
I can't fall in love
id resurfaces
wreaking havoc
nightmares
beyond what you can imagine

I sit alone again
in front of the machine
pouring away heart and soul
and in a way
it isn't really there
there's nothing on the screen
I'm just imagining my thoughts appear

I slowly begin to realize
years from now
I will still be here
sitting alone
in front of my computer

no one (not even me)
would seem to care enough
to change my fate
*

I cannot have that serenity to accept things which I cannot change and the power to change that which I can. I can only have one or the other. My own worst enemy is damn near impossible to overcome.

Waztching a parent decay over a period of 15 years really eats at you. My situation seems so unique. My father's condition is now preventable I believe. If you don't already know, my father suffered from chronic progressive Multiple Sclerosis from 1981 until he died in 1998. I don't know of any other diseases where the decay is over such a long a period of time. It's hurt me somehow. When I say decay: I mean slowly - very slowly at first, you lose the ability to move certain muscles - the nerve messages just don't get to the muscle. It starts out with an arm going numb every once in awhile for no apparent reason. Then, you have trouble with your legs. At first, you can make do with just a cane, but it just gets worse over the years, until you need a wheelchair. At that point, you probably don't have enough strength to push yourself around in it. If you fall, neither your young son or your wife has the strength to pick you up, so they must call a neighbor to help. Even the ambulance service famous for the line "I've fallen and I can't get up" won't pick you up because "someone elsewhere could be having a heart attack. So you lie there on the floor, helpless. As more time passes, your intelligence and memory will start fade. You'll need help going to the bathroom. Thisis about 10 years after the inital diagnosis. Around this time, if you're being taken care of at home, your caretaker probably will realize she can't afford to pay someone to take care of you at home, so she puts you into a home where you're probably the youngest guy there (my dad was 51 when he started living there). Then things really start to go bad. The environment isn't exactly helpful to your situation. Essentially left with nothing to do all day or even with the diginity of being dressed by mid-afternoon does not help. A few years there and then you have trouble swallowing. You don't want a feeding tube, so they purree your food. Because of the catheter, you get urinary infections regularly. One of those gets into the blood which nearly kills you. You don't want the machines, so why go on?

Welcome to my world. Maybe if I knew how it screwed me up, I could fix it.

The Truth

The truth is (and what Mulder couldn't really understand) is that there is no Truth. It's always going to be someone's perspective versus someone else's. Fortunately, the creator of the X Files actually understood this and had an episode about it, even if his characters did not.

This is why every medium of information you come accross is going to be biased. If you agree with the point of view, chances are you might not even see the bias.

Kind of makes you wonder about judges.

I had this idea for a reality show. Take two people who despise each other or are on opposite ends of the political spectrum and have them switch lives for awhile. I think the results would be really entertaining. I think I'd call it The Other Man's Shoes.

Probably have a lot more value overall than that stupid show Motormouths on VH1. What idiot thinks that watching people sing in their cars is incredibly funny?

hypocrites, cynics, and optomists

Irregardless of my last post, according to certain truisms:
Money is the root of all evil. Money makes the world go 'round. Therefore, the root of all evil makes the world go 'round.

Since no one was able to aquire the five bonus points I will have to state which movie the line is from. The line was from - (if you'd stop that incessant drumming, I could tell the readers which movie it is!) The Princess Bride. A Rob Reiner film that a few people I know got obsessed over. Wesley says it to Buttercup shortly before she pushes him down the hill. "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."

With nearly everyone being a hypocrite after a fashion. The same people that think that end up being hypocrites themselves... as well as being cynics.

A certain Monty Python song comes to mind involving whistling. Optomists are a rare breed that ensure our survival. Thank your neighborhood optomist today.

In the next episode, I will attempt to tell the truth about Mulder's obsession with the Truth.

necessary evils

necessary evils or that crazy idealist:

There is no such thing as necessary evil. Anything that is necessary isn't inherently evil. War? What in the world makes war necessary? NOTHING. Necessary for population control? No, abortions are necessary for population control but not war. As far as abortions being amoral - that is a topic I really don't feel like getting into. Besides, the rate at which the world population is growing is decreasing and has been doing so for at least the past 30 years.

Death isn't evil. Why else do some people welcome death?

Anything necessary has a purpose. If it has a purpose that means it should not be evil. If the ends do not justify the means, than it isn't necessary.

Pain is a little harder to explain. Pain is necessary to enjoy life. "Life is pain, Highness." - (Name the movie and possibly the character who said it for 5 points) Anything that adds to our enjoyment of life has to be good. If you think (mental) pain isn't necessary, read Aldous Huxley's Brave New World.

The Illuminatus Trilogy by those guys named Rob says exactly who They are. The problem is, that the authors were toking up while writing the book so the answer isn't exactly clear.

I read an ad for a book claiming the elctoral college to be absolutely necessary. It doesn't mention in the ad a single reason to why that is. I'm not buying the book just to see some convoluted reasoning. Just give me a free summary.

Does anyone else have a problem with those silly labels: liberals, right, left, and conservative?
Remind me to state my opinion on necessary evils.

beamrider9: do like a filibuster in the Senate
beamrider9: start reciting the phone book

867-5309
555-1212

plutocracy

We live in a plutocracy. I only wish I could think of a decent solution. Any ideas for a practical meritocracy?

I have arisen to inform. Too bad no one listens.

The ultimate mass communication device has been horribly misused lately. Just isn't exactly something humans are ready for. Just like we're not ready for (oh crap). Apparently, the movie Chain Reaction is supposed to have some elements of truth in it. That's how you take down a plutocracy. (water-powered cars and open source) Thing is, everything else comes down with it.

If I'm not careful, I could end up telling people how to solve the world's problems using technology forgetting one rather major detail - People do not want to hear let alone implement anything I suggest whether or not my ideas have value.

Name the song:
O cruel Fortune!
Waxing and waning like the moon. . .
Hint: you've probably never heard it sung in English.

bury me not

They tried to bury me by sticking me in some government job in my field, with very little programming so as to avoid any hacking tendencies. They thought it would pacify me. They are wrong.

I will not go gently

The thought they buried me. They thought wrong.

Explanations should follow shortly.