I wish I could say my life could be an
inspiration to others, but that just isn't true. The only thing here
is demotivation.
Nothing here is overcome. I find
myself hurtling towards a fate I have known for far too long. I
don't want to surrender to it, but I can't seem to get a foothold. As
I've said before, it's almost like my entire environment is a trap.
How do you escape when you don't know anything different?
They will all deny that I am trapped.
Their delusion is so complete they
think they are doing what is best for me. This is because I cannot
possibly know what is best for myself.
They'd love me to be independent in all
honesty. But I resist that because it means responsibility?
I don't know how to escape my fate, and
I'm not sure anyone else really knows either.
I know I'm holding myself prisoner.
Responsibility is borne by me as well.
For every step forward, two steps back.
So easy to fall back into old habits. Too easy. So few good habits.
It's like I know I need to make a stand
somehow. Some big difference. Some change. I just don't know how.
I'm supposed to figure it out for myself. I feel like I can't.
I try writing. If that's what you want
to call this. I pursue nothing. That is not OK.
There is no desire to excel. No drive.
So equilibrium. No change. I stay where I am. On a path I
despise.
The fourth path is an illusion. The
only paths I really see are someone else's.
Ideas lost, No follow-through. I must
find a productive activity to persist with. And not be so easily
discouraged.
It's like I don't write about what's
going on at the time because every day is basically the same.
