My depression is not something I am
going to just get through. I have been dealing with it continuously
throughout my life.
It is a state I have become all to
comfortable with. As such, it is a challenge for me to accomplish
all those things you take for granted – like someone who is
disabled.
Things like cooking, driving, or a
single romantic relationship.
I let friendships fade away like
shadows. Leaving me as the hermit I feared I would become. I don't
have the community to make new friends anymore. Even if I did, I
barely talk to anyone.
I keep thinking everyone is too
involved in their own lives to spare any time... whether it be a
family or significant other. Simply too busy. Whether they actually
are or not.
I have little in the way of drive or
motivation. Dare I ask others for this? I suppose I am scared to do
so. No one likes being nagged or being lectured.
Maybe I just need someone to hang out
with on a regular basis that also has a little disposable income.
I don't want to coast through life
anymore. I don't want life to happen to me. I want to happen to
life.
I just have a lot of trouble getting
back on the horse so to speak.
Why did I stop doing that thing I used
to do to combat the pessimism? I should start that again.
Still always alone and lonely.
(yes I know sex is healthy and
depression can kill you. You don't have to tell me again. It just
pisses me off more)
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