I believe. . .

Keeping in mind whatever day this was posted. . .

I believe. . .

I believe both the government and corporations know what is best for me.

I believe Google, Comcast, and AT&T know what's best for me.

I believe Facebook should make all of your private information (not mine) publicly available.

I believe I deserve free health care that you should pay for.

I believe in free education for me that again you should pay for.

I believe in the First Amendment as long as you are saying something I agree with.

I believe you should let the public defender defend you, I'll retain the lawyer.

I believe the state knows what the best alcohol is and provides it to us at discount prices.

I believe it is crucial to a child's education that they spend at least six hours a day on Twitter and Facebook.

I believe lobbyists have our best interests at heart. (Just like the corporations do)

I don't believe in earmarks unless they are in my district.

I believe donkeys and elephants know what is best for the country – although not quite as well as the lobbyists. (corporations and government still know best)

I believe all illegal aliens should be sent home unless they work for the wealthy and/or large corporations.