another stream of consciousness

(This first part is about G-d)
There is a question about who forgot who first.

Most likely I turned my back first. On He who have had many backs turned.

So He tells me “returning” could change everything. Could give me what I've been looking for. May even believe in me. He offered me the unicorn's deal with Alice.

(Alice thought unicorns were fabulous monsters and the unicorn thought little girls were fabulous monsters. So the unicorn offers to believe in Alice if she believes in him.)

So I'm stuck asking myself if the sacrifice is too great.

(about father)

Like he didn't fight it. I have no idea. I can only guess. But I don't ever remember him fighting it.

Finding comfort in that strange insanity (why did I call religion that?). Some do. But what do I believe?

I suspect I believe in nothing.

Sometimes I get these “delusions of grandeur”. I imagine that if I ever “wake up” I could change everything. And great forces are aligned against me to make sure I don't wake up.

Somewhere along the lines my spark became a void.

They are afraid of humans. Who wouldn't be?

No one says silly little human anymore. (This is a reference to a story I haven't yet written)

You see Mr. Reznor, I have looked through cracks. I know down that path lies insanity. ("Right Where It Belongs" for Nine Inch Nails fans)

Serenity can only be found elsewhere. I get the feeling I search for stress passively.

I suspect the only emotional connection I have with my father is the disease.

I wonder if the fantastic keeps me sane.

Rage directed inward.

I believe. . .

Keeping in mind whatever day this was posted. . .

I believe. . .

I believe both the government and corporations know what is best for me.

I believe Google, Comcast, and AT&T know what's best for me.

I believe Facebook should make all of your private information (not mine) publicly available.

I believe I deserve free health care that you should pay for.

I believe in free education for me that again you should pay for.

I believe in the First Amendment as long as you are saying something I agree with.

I believe you should let the public defender defend you, I'll retain the lawyer.

I believe the state knows what the best alcohol is and provides it to us at discount prices.

I believe it is crucial to a child's education that they spend at least six hours a day on Twitter and Facebook.

I believe lobbyists have our best interests at heart. (Just like the corporations do)

I don't believe in earmarks unless they are in my district.

I believe donkeys and elephants know what is best for the country – although not quite as well as the lobbyists. (corporations and government still know best)

I believe all illegal aliens should be sent home unless they work for the wealthy and/or large corporations.