4/22-27

I feel like I’m fighting a losing a battle.  It feels so futile.

I’m fighting against myself and I cannot win.

I have reached a point where it doesn’t matter whether I succeed or fail.  I will still survive a mundane existence where I have been alive.

Nothing left to look forward to.

Every moment I lose more hope.  And I don’t have anyone to turn to.

Everyone else has their own life or is too far away or is too depressed themselves.

How quickly will I be forgotten?

I have seen the past, the present, and the future and it scares me.  50% chance of dying of cancer or heart disease.  “Hen-pecked” as my brother says if I ever find anyone.  My brother thinks it’s going to be a Jewish girl.  I tell him no, it doesn’t have to be, it’s built into my personality.

BTW.  No one ever bothered to answer my question the first time I asked it, so I’ll ask it again.  Can people really change?

I look at other people’s lives and see how they’re where they want to be.  I will never be where I want to be.

Sometimes I think I’m working against myself. That I’m my own worst enemy.  But what else is new?

I’m at the point I look forward to meetings for the social interaction.  I am in need of major help.  But no one has the free time  like I do.  I feel so far behind in “social maturity”.  I know I will never catch up.  It means I’m behind on living my life.

Today, I didn’t start playing Quake as soon as I came home.

must leave house

With a job, there is a logical progression: application, inverview, hired.  There is no real logical progression to this thing.  I’ve also had jobs before this one. So it’s not like it’s something I’ve never done before which this thing  is.  I’m so much less experienced in these matters than anyone else my age.

I don’t believe your ability to succeed is based soley on your skill on evoking lust in the opposite sex.

I must prove to myself that I will not remain alone.  Easier said than done.

Imagine something that feels like boxers but looks like spandex.

This place mirrors my life in that the number of people who comment are similar to the number of people I can turn to.

In other news, I’m doing more programming at work.  It’s all part of the process of absorbing me into the daily grind.

Apparently, NIN has a quarter million friends on myspace.

I am so underrated. And undervalued.

It’s nice outside; you’re 28 years old; you should be out tonight.
With who? You?  I’m not going to go out alone, but I really don’t have anyone to go with.  No one, and I mean no one has as much free time as I do.
I need to get in touch with old friends or make new ones
The other problem is that it is hard decided what I’m interested in doing.

(title is optional) (no it isn't)

Listening to: Nine Inch Nails – Right Where It Belongs
I wonder if it would help me if I were to put a mood up here on a regular basis. Right now, it’s tired by the way.

You are not ready for a world where our Humanity defines us.

Humanity will not become a nation until our darkest times. I just hope it won’t be too late. Sometimes I think I have already seen the darkest times.

We run from the truth of death and we will keep running for a very long time.

I keep saying crisis creates compromise – always has always will But no one ever listens. Why don’t you try to compromise before someone gets killed?

Very little sleep last night, while everyone complains about losing an hour of sleep due to daylight savings time. “It’s all your fault, Franklin.”

(did you know there’s a patch for Microsoft Windows that has to do with daylight savings time in Australia for the Commonwealth Games?)

My connection to the world goes in and out just like my internet connection. They might have more to do with each other than one might think.

“All I ask is 20 minutes. . .”

RE: shave your head bald:
The amount of women this would anger just makes this not worth it. I wouldn’t hear the end of “But your beautiful curls.” Just because you’ve done it, Ross. .

A TV Show at Drexel