all alone, father

The way some people write love poems, I have written poems about my lonliness.

Ahh what the hell I'll post this one:
*
left alone here
I see the future
I am the only reason
I can't fall in love
id resurfaces
wreaking havoc
nightmares
beyond what you can imagine

I sit alone again
in front of the machine
pouring away heart and soul
and in a way
it isn't really there
there's nothing on the screen
I'm just imagining my thoughts appear

I slowly begin to realize
years from now
I will still be here
sitting alone
in front of my computer

no one (not even me)
would seem to care enough
to change my fate
*

I cannot have that serenity to accept things which I cannot change and the power to change that which I can. I can only have one or the other. My own worst enemy is damn near impossible to overcome.

Waztching a parent decay over a period of 15 years really eats at you. My situation seems so unique. My father's condition is now preventable I believe. If you don't already know, my father suffered from chronic progressive Multiple Sclerosis from 1981 until he died in 1998. I don't know of any other diseases where the decay is over such a long a period of time. It's hurt me somehow. When I say decay: I mean slowly - very slowly at first, you lose the ability to move certain muscles - the nerve messages just don't get to the muscle. It starts out with an arm going numb every once in awhile for no apparent reason. Then, you have trouble with your legs. At first, you can make do with just a cane, but it just gets worse over the years, until you need a wheelchair. At that point, you probably don't have enough strength to push yourself around in it. If you fall, neither your young son or your wife has the strength to pick you up, so they must call a neighbor to help. Even the ambulance service famous for the line "I've fallen and I can't get up" won't pick you up because "someone elsewhere could be having a heart attack. So you lie there on the floor, helpless. As more time passes, your intelligence and memory will start fade. You'll need help going to the bathroom. Thisis about 10 years after the inital diagnosis. Around this time, if you're being taken care of at home, your caretaker probably will realize she can't afford to pay someone to take care of you at home, so she puts you into a home where you're probably the youngest guy there (my dad was 51 when he started living there). Then things really start to go bad. The environment isn't exactly helpful to your situation. Essentially left with nothing to do all day or even with the diginity of being dressed by mid-afternoon does not help. A few years there and then you have trouble swallowing. You don't want a feeding tube, so they purree your food. Because of the catheter, you get urinary infections regularly. One of those gets into the blood which nearly kills you. You don't want the machines, so why go on?

Welcome to my world. Maybe if I knew how it screwed me up, I could fix it.

The Truth

The truth is (and what Mulder couldn't really understand) is that there is no Truth. It's always going to be someone's perspective versus someone else's. Fortunately, the creator of the X Files actually understood this and had an episode about it, even if his characters did not.

This is why every medium of information you come accross is going to be biased. If you agree with the point of view, chances are you might not even see the bias.

Kind of makes you wonder about judges.

I had this idea for a reality show. Take two people who despise each other or are on opposite ends of the political spectrum and have them switch lives for awhile. I think the results would be really entertaining. I think I'd call it The Other Man's Shoes.

Probably have a lot more value overall than that stupid show Motormouths on VH1. What idiot thinks that watching people sing in their cars is incredibly funny?

hypocrites, cynics, and optomists

Irregardless of my last post, according to certain truisms:
Money is the root of all evil. Money makes the world go 'round. Therefore, the root of all evil makes the world go 'round.

Since no one was able to aquire the five bonus points I will have to state which movie the line is from. The line was from - (if you'd stop that incessant drumming, I could tell the readers which movie it is!) The Princess Bride. A Rob Reiner film that a few people I know got obsessed over. Wesley says it to Buttercup shortly before she pushes him down the hill. "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."

With nearly everyone being a hypocrite after a fashion. The same people that think that end up being hypocrites themselves... as well as being cynics.

A certain Monty Python song comes to mind involving whistling. Optomists are a rare breed that ensure our survival. Thank your neighborhood optomist today.

In the next episode, I will attempt to tell the truth about Mulder's obsession with the Truth.

necessary evils

necessary evils or that crazy idealist:

There is no such thing as necessary evil. Anything that is necessary isn't inherently evil. War? What in the world makes war necessary? NOTHING. Necessary for population control? No, abortions are necessary for population control but not war. As far as abortions being amoral - that is a topic I really don't feel like getting into. Besides, the rate at which the world population is growing is decreasing and has been doing so for at least the past 30 years.

Death isn't evil. Why else do some people welcome death?

Anything necessary has a purpose. If it has a purpose that means it should not be evil. If the ends do not justify the means, than it isn't necessary.

Pain is a little harder to explain. Pain is necessary to enjoy life. "Life is pain, Highness." - (Name the movie and possibly the character who said it for 5 points) Anything that adds to our enjoyment of life has to be good. If you think (mental) pain isn't necessary, read Aldous Huxley's Brave New World.

The Illuminatus Trilogy by those guys named Rob says exactly who They are. The problem is, that the authors were toking up while writing the book so the answer isn't exactly clear.

I read an ad for a book claiming the elctoral college to be absolutely necessary. It doesn't mention in the ad a single reason to why that is. I'm not buying the book just to see some convoluted reasoning. Just give me a free summary.

Does anyone else have a problem with those silly labels: liberals, right, left, and conservative?
Remind me to state my opinion on necessary evils.

beamrider9: do like a filibuster in the Senate
beamrider9: start reciting the phone book

867-5309
555-1212

plutocracy

We live in a plutocracy. I only wish I could think of a decent solution. Any ideas for a practical meritocracy?

I have arisen to inform. Too bad no one listens.

The ultimate mass communication device has been horribly misused lately. Just isn't exactly something humans are ready for. Just like we're not ready for (oh crap). Apparently, the movie Chain Reaction is supposed to have some elements of truth in it. That's how you take down a plutocracy. (water-powered cars and open source) Thing is, everything else comes down with it.

If I'm not careful, I could end up telling people how to solve the world's problems using technology forgetting one rather major detail - People do not want to hear let alone implement anything I suggest whether or not my ideas have value.

Name the song:
O cruel Fortune!
Waxing and waning like the moon. . .
Hint: you've probably never heard it sung in English.

bury me not

They tried to bury me by sticking me in some government job in my field, with very little programming so as to avoid any hacking tendencies. They thought it would pacify me. They are wrong.

I will not go gently

The thought they buried me. They thought wrong.

Explanations should follow shortly.